don’t have anything else to say, just don’t want to go to bed.

I guess I could surf teh internetubes

So out of practice…

Haven’t a clue about life it seems.

Don’t remember how to use this damn blog too well. Been awhile. Still here. Still kicking.

Boo! Scare you? doubt it. it is cool though.

Life is cool right now. Ex-wife and I still talking with less than a month of divorce. I am already dating. Still it is hard.

It is hard going through this damn office with so many memories. I don’t want to forget them but I need to put them behind me. Girl friend, ha.

it is so funny to ME to have a GF so quickly. She is damn cool though. I told I don’t want to fall, but she is understanding and so damn cool. Ice cold.

Actually that is my exwife’s heart. It froze over between us several months ago. I am not exactly sure where I went wrong. OK I have my ideas. I have talked to a therapist and friends.

Basically, Gentlemen, when there isn’t infidelity involved your woman cannot be selfish, if she wants to stay around. She needs to be a giver. I wanted a partner not a slave by all means but I mean when I say this… She needs to submit to you.

Your woman and you will have personality problems spending enough time together. It is going to happen. It is human nature.

No problem, work it out. Talk about it. Get counseling.

She didn’t want to get counseling. She didn’t want to work it out.

She wanted out.

… Fuck me

But I am working hard on my life right now. I have a GF. Dont know if I need one now. She is so inviting though.

My friends say I need to fuck a lot of women though. a lot of women. I am just not like my friends. I am like nobody I know.

I want you to know internet. Damn It Feels Good to be Geek 3l33t

Flaming Lips concert Rocked in the new year

So went to the Flaming Lips concert last night. It was an awesome spectacle like expected. And like expected I chugged beers and snuck in what I supposedly quit. In the middle of the concert there were the laser pointers handed out. I was worried about blinding someone. However they were pointed at a large balloon in the middle of the concert floor. It was truly an image I will never forget. All of these points of light cutting through the smoke lighting up the room in an radiant red glow. Man there was definitely something felt between the myself, the music, and the rest of the room. I felt so into the scene that it was so comfortable, it was uncomfortable. In the end of the night I made the right choices and kissed my wife and told her happy new year.

Little God snippets piss me off!

“        I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don’t. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding  why there is such a problem in having “In God We Trust” on our money and having “God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don’t we just tell the 14% to Shut Up, lay down and BE QUIET!!!”

 

Why put this in the email? The only time God was mentioned in the forward is when Andy finished his rant with the first sentence of the Pledge of Allegiance.

 

Now I am not part of the hard core atheist group. I do believe in Separation of Church and State. Anyone that disagrees with me on this point, please go read some history books.

 

I decided to check that validity of the email and come to see… It was just some asshole that has too much time on their hands.

 http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney4.asp 

The problem I have is with the 20% of the 86% population that believe in God. It is this group of people that make the 14% shout we will not lay down and be quiet.

 

These people can’t take responsibility for their own actions. They pass the buck off to God or the Devil. Then make this religious group back up their claim with anything substantial and they back pedal to their faith or a book. Below I will give my two second opinion on living by Faith and a book.

 

Faith is not substantial; it is just some brain chemicals making them feel moved. So it is only an opinion really.

 

Getting enough people to believe your book does not make it true. Any of these people believe the Book of Mormon? Don’t get me wrong, if I see some dude or chick descending from the Heavens (not Chris Angel) without strings or gadgets, then yeah I would probably take up a cross and follow. Until then I am not going to follow a book that has been rewritten numerous times by different groups over the past 1,700 years.

Going to sell the sports car.

I have been wanting a tuner car since I fell in love with the Supra turbo in (yes, I know it’s cheesy) Fast and the Furious. Actually I have wanted a sports car since high school, but back then it was a cheap mustang or camaro.

American muscle is awesome and there is nothing that compares to the rumble of a v-8, but the handling and fuel economy is lacking. If I wanted a drag strip monster the 2 previous statements would not be in this paragraph. However I was looking for a daily driver that was best at all around performance.

Then I discovered rally racing after watching it on Speed channel. This completely blew my mind. Getting up to insane speeds on gravel roads. I grew up in small town Oklahoma and I have been driving on dirt roads feeding cattle since I was 12. I fell in love again but this time with Subaru.

I decided to go with a Subaru WRX after college. Then I finally landed a good job and a promotion. When It came time to pick it out. There was a sweet used STi with 12k miles on it. My wildest wet sport car dreams came true. I had a car that could not necessarily beat everything on the road, but it could pretty much keep up with any street legal cars out there. Plus it has the crazy spoiler and scoop that stand up a foot off the car. The best part is that they are functional.

Over the past year I have cruised around the city and upgrade the car. I have added a carbon fiber hood and grill, downpipe, mid-pipe, and Stage 2 Cobb tuning. Also took off all the badges and stickers except one pink STi badge on the trunk. It looks and sounds sweet! It has been fun to turn some heads, go balls to the wall around corners, and cruise at 110mph. There has been a few let downs though.

A goal for my ten year high school reunion was to drive a sports car to it. Some of my other friends joined in the statement. However I am the only one that came through with the goal. My friends that showed up to the 10 year reunion liked the car, but in the end it was only worth about 5 minutes of conversation.

I also was looking for a culture to fit into with the car. (Again childish and somewhat like a Mac commercial, trying to be cool with what you own) There isn’t anything wrong with the Subaru owners club here in Oklahoma but I don’t really fit in. Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough. But I have found that with friends if you have to try to be their friend, you will never really be in the group.

The last downer would have to be the problems with going way too fast. The end result is stopping in predicaments that you don’t want to be in i.e. cops and dumb asses not paying attention to you on the road.  I have been stopped way too many times in my car that just looks fast standing still. I don’t want to say there has been harassment because most of the time I was going above the speed limit. There have been three incidents in small town Oklahoma that I have been pulled over for no reason though. Then there is slamming on the breaks because people can’t see that you are going literally twice as fast as them when they decide to get into the left lane of the interstate. So the moral of the story is I have a problem with speeding. The solution to the story is getting a slower vehicle.

I am not all sad about it. Like I said I wanted a rally car. Soon after getting the STi I found that I cannot afford the repairs taking it off road, and I also like it looking sweet. My Carbon fiber hood does not take rocks.  I baby my car by waxing it monthly to synthetic oil changes every 3k miles. It has been a learning experience. I have never treated a vehicle so well. I want to get back to my roots.

I lived my teenager dream, but like all dreams, you have to come back to reality. It is time to go off roading again. I have had two trucks before I bought my STi. They were driven through or over everything that I could. However they were not 4wd. I have now been bit by the 4×4 bug. I want a Cherokee, 4runner, or Xterra in that order. Again I want a vehicle that I will play with the dynamics of. This time will be a lift and off road abilities instead of power and handling abilities.     

It has been awhile. My apologies.

It has been busy of course. Been rearranging the house. The three dogs we have worked it over while they were puppies. They are more grown up now and it is monthly that they get into something they shouldn’t, instead of daily.

Bernie Bear started out at 20 lbs. and has a tendency to chew on walls, window sills, and molding. Now he is 126 lbs and doesn’t rip up his chew toys. The other two dogs, Shad and Sarah, still like to rip up their toys but understand better what is off limits.

We decided it was time to do some spring cleaning in summer a year and a half late. We have gone through our whole house dusting, patching, and painting the house. We also decided to rearrange the furniture and we bought some new furniture too. Next project is to fix up the outside.

This definitely needs some tlc. The back deck is falling apart but patched that together and laid some outdoor carpet. However it needs to be repainted and rose bushes around the edge of in are in need of serious trimming. Don’t get me started on the grass. I got a list too long on that. Lastly is the steel barn we have out back. It has probably been there 20 years and the insulation is falling from the walls and ceiling. We are going to wait until fall to start these projects.

For the meantime the inside looks good and the outside is tolerable. We have had a couple of parties since fixing it up. The first was our friends were, of course, I got trashed. It was great though. We ended the party by watching 300 with my bose speakers cranked til our ears were almost bleeding. The second party was with family this last weekend. It was good. Everyone came. They were nice to each other. The wife and I cooked up some awesome fajitas. Then they got the hell out. The wife was sad that our family didn’t want to stay longer. Not me, I was glad for them to leave and let me get some sleep.

I think I finally grew up this last weekend. I have tried to keep my childish ways as long as possible. The main thing I am talking about is my unhealthy habits. That includes social smoking (cigarettes and pot) and the heavy drinking that follows. I guess I should explain the difference now from last week.

In a previous post I mentioned the pain I was going through because of Hemorrhoids.  I finally went to see a doctor about them. The P.A. decided they were bad enough for injection sclerotherapy and, while they were at it with my family history, a colonoscopy. There were no openings with the doctor’s and my schedule for two weeks (this last Friday). Of course during the past two weeks I lived fairly healthy and no problems. In fact I did not have any flair ups. I almost cancelled the appointment, but I remember the pain I have gone through this last time. They just seem to keep getting worse. I wanted to be sure that it is nothing else that is the problem.

I went through with the procedure. I am hoping it will be another 10-15 years at the earliest that I will need this done again. Thursday was prep day with laxatives. The morning wasn’t bad, but the afternoon was a gut wrenching, ass burning experience. Friday actually wasn’t that bad. It took maybe an hour to get checked in and get an IV. The nurse was really good with the IV. They laughed at me about having a tattoo but scared of an IV. The procedure was a process of the two nurses working together and distracting me until the doctor stuck his finger up my rectum. I admit, I screamed like a girl and then seriously sang “blue moon”. After that I was out. Supposedly when I woke up I told my wife and nurse that I was a ninja. Ninjas and blue moons are funny but besides the point.

The point is I am not yet 30 and already gotten stuff checked out. I really, really think it is my lifestyle. I know it should be a big “duh” but like all addicts there are excuses. The main one is the magical feeling of being high. There I wrote it. The only time I feel that childhood euphoria of wonder and enlightenment is when I am high. I know I am not smarter with hits from a bong but I do analyze things (sometimes over analyze) differently. I feel almost like I am a different person. And I like it.

However my hemorrhoids (and wife) do not like this lifestyle. I guess they put up with it. However it is painful. So I guess I need to do what I don’t want to do. I need to grow up.

Why do I feel different about growing up now instead of before? Well, I like to stare off into space, laugh, and then sing to myself “blue moon.”     

In-Laws

Why is it that something always goes wrong when the wife and I go visit my family? It seems like every time we go there something goes wrong. Tonight I said we would be home by 9pm. It is 10:34 right now. I got her home an hour and a half late.

She was worried about the Dogs.I mean she does have points. I did say we would be home at 9 and one dog does need medicine for an infected wound on his leg. Points taken. I think. We haven’t talked for the whole drive back home literally doing 90mph or more most the time. I have said I am sorry a couple of times but …. She is clammed up tighter than… shit, I don’t know. We just aren’t talking. I will try to get communication from her again tomorrow.

This kinda seems the way it is going to be though when we visit my parents. I have no problems with her father or family. She definitely does not like mine though. I guess that isn’t fair. She does like them. Right? I am not sure. She says she does, but then every single time in my memory there has been an uncomfortable feeling around her when she is around my parents. I am guessing that is it. It is not that she does not like them, but that she doesn’t feel comfortable around them. And that is the reason she wants to leave so bad every single time. I am trying to remember a time………. Yep, every single time we have gone to visit them the dogs have been a scapegoat to get out of there.

So how do I make her feel more comfortable? I honestly don’t think I can. We can’t bring the dogs. Mom doesn’t want them in the house. Wife doesn’t want them outside. Dammit sometimes my wife treats the damn dogs better than if we had some damn kids. They are dogs! But they are also part of our family. I guess I am just going to have to arrange it so that the dogs can be taken care of by Dad-in-law, but then we have to get back before it is too late to pick them back up. I would be in the same boat as right now, except getting home later b/c having to drive out of the way to pick them up.

My parents are not going to change. They are pretty set in their ways. They have actually gotten better in the recent years vs. when I was in school.  Her family is nonjudgmental and more reserved. The opposite is my family. I come from a bunch of Southern Baptist folk. My family likes to say what is on their mind when it is on their mind. They also have a way of pestering us about going to church. So, pretty much, my wife does believe there might be something out there but doesn’t really care and probably never will care. She feels like most evangelistic Christians are hypocrites. (Yeah I am screwed.) I guess growing up in a household with a prayer alter and church three times a week makes my family at one time very evangelistic. Gladly I can say that presently Dad still teaches Sunday school, they go to church only Sunday morning, and will occasionally drink some alcohol. There have been some good changes but there is still tension.  

I guess I am just used to my family and brush off some things that they say. My wife is not as forgiving about some statements. I had to live with them most of my life. I got pretty good at being good around them. They would be disappointed with me, if they knew a quarter of the stuff that I have done. My family to me is just a daily balancing act of acting one way certain times and another way at other times. My wife is pretty much the same person all the time. Let’s just be honest. She is the most honest and law abiding citizen between the two of us. The glaring problem with this is that she will be the one going to Hell b/c she is not saved. HaHa, lucky me to be saved when I was young! Ah, I am now just rambling.To sum it up…(Yeah I am screwed.) 

The next big thing in small clusters.

Thumb’s UpThis is perhaps a record holder: a fully functional computer built into a thumb drive, offering 64 MB of RAM and ports for ethernet, VGA out and USB. It’s powered by a 190-MHz ARM CPU, so don’t expect much grunt. Then again, that’s not the point. Throw in a USB hub and Bluetooth, and voilà: the world’s slowest cluster. In a shoe box. Two of these would look like an exchange solution one of my customers would try to implement.

Richard Thieme’s future now.

I have written Mr. Thieme below. I was going to post my reply here. However it honestly was mostly a rehashing of what he already has said in his past 10 years of essays and speaches.

2 important points that have stuck with me.

The edge is the new center and Ferg’s Law.

I do hope he finds new material because I have found that he has done a nice job of summing a lot up. I might even go so far as saying he is a modern day prophet.

 

Unless the world ends in 2012.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

well, that’s nice of you, thanks.

 

I am in the process of deciding how to frame the next phase. If you feel you can and have a minute, I would really be interested in knowing what resonates most with you,. what you care about most.

 

Thanks.

 

Richard Thieme

________________________________________________________________________________

 

I wrote: 

> Richard,

> 

> I stumbled upon you in the net. Please send me more of your insights.

> I have almost read and listened all of your site _www.thiemeworks.com_

> <http://www.thiemeworks.com> and want more.