It hurts!!

Dear Blog,

 So I am begining another one of these categories for the real reason I decided to start this pet project at 3am this morning actually.

I can’t believe I am actually going to write this, but I am sure that my wife is tired of hearing about it from me. (Ah… to try and stay anonymous on this site.)

I am having trouble sleeping. Not because of some looming overhead doom. I wish it was that. I usually can just zone out. Instead I feel kinda like I have been raped. Yes, my asshole is burning with pain. It feels like Satan shoved his invisible penis in my anus and left me with a std. He didn’t buy me flowers or give me a reach around. He truly is not a nice guy.

I finally went to the doctor today. I have a hemorrhoid. Yeah I don’t want to go into detail, but when I search the subject I see that nearly 50% of Americans will get this condition by age 50. At least I am not suffering alone. I got a special cream and pain pills! So what is a decent up-standing individual going to do in a rare occurrence that he actually gets pills legally? Drink, of course! 2 parts OJ to 1 part Vodka, otherwise known as a screwdriver.

 Man I still feel kinda uncomfortable. I seriously want to get some sleep tonight. Maybe I can concentrate really hard on this and get really tired and pass out.

Last night er… morning I was going to apply the pain I am feeling now to something heavy we deal with in life… but I am being siderailed at this time (sorry). Maybe I will remember better in a day or two. As for now I am needing 2 parts OJ to 2 parts vodka.

Cheers,

Petyr The Great