Strippers work for food.

Startling discovery! Strippers only care about money. I seriously think they can smell it. Like if you are willing to spend it or not. I am of the former category. I do not feel like parting with $20 in a 3-5 minute time frame. Also don’t mention to me the champagne room or VIP treatment. I will be tempted but will not go for it. The reason I bring this up is because this past weekend was my buddy’s bachelor party. 

Dave is a good catholic guy with a stuck up wife (Meagan). I have always liked this guy but never so much his soon to be wife. My wife used to like both of them. They recently moved to get a great job and be closer to Meagan’s family. We were conned into driving three hours and then my wife was to be designated driver for the girls that night. Meagan is the kind of character that thinks about themselves first and then considers others. I really feel sorry for Dave but have never had the heart to tell him. I seriously do not know how he talked her into allowing the bachelor party.

The party started out at a steak house and moved to The Lodge. The Lodge is a nice establishment with 2 main rooms and an upstairs VIP lounge. The women were of high caliber and I did not once wince once at their faces. There was one chick that was a little on the chunky side. I feel like such an asshole with that last sentence but they take their clothes off for money. It was a little dark but it went well with the outdoorsy hunting atmosphere. The bourbon was $8.50 compared to a beer at $6.50. I stuck with Knob Creek. However classy taste does not equal classy strippers hanging all over you.

I am fine with not having a stripper climbing all over me. Don’t get me wrong, I think boobies in the face and the perfume is nice. But I keep thinking about all the other guys right before me that like the same thing. I know that I am not personally touching the other dude but his clammy face was the same place that mine is now. I am not that big of a germaphob that I will not have boobs shoved in my face. (In fact I do budget by sitting on pervert row with 20 singles and then I am out.) It is just a thought that is in the back of my mind when I leave. It obviously was not on Dave’s mind that night. He had women clawing all over him. Of course we would throw a $20 bill in his lap and then there would be a stripper which leads me back to my main point.

They were all over the guys that had a roll of 20’s. I imagined myself draining my bank account for the brief moment of glorious boobies all over me. In the end though seeing just boobs is just frustrating. Unless it is boobs for free bought by your friends that now have jobs, Assholes.

I had to get married when my friends were broke and had to pay for my own lap dance. To be fair I did receive one from my cousin. He has no idea in my taste in women.  So I got 2 dances and Dave gets $400 spent on him. So I guess I am just bitter that I had to drive a total of 6 hours for frustration.