So out of practice…

Haven’t a clue about life it seems.

Don’t remember how to use this damn blog too well. Been awhile. Still here. Still kicking.

Boo! Scare you? doubt it. it is cool though.

Life is cool right now. Ex-wife and I still talking with less than a month of divorce. I am already dating. Still it is hard.

It is hard going through this damn office with so many memories. I don’t want to forget them but I need to put them behind me. Girl friend, ha.

it is so funny to ME to have a GF so quickly. She is damn cool though. I told I don’t want to fall, but she is understanding and so damn cool. Ice cold.

Actually that is my exwife’s heart. It froze over between us several months ago. I am not exactly sure where I went wrong. OK I have my ideas. I have talked to a therapist and friends.

Basically, Gentlemen, when there isn’t infidelity involved your woman cannot be selfish, if she wants to stay around. She needs to be a giver. I wanted a partner not a slave by all means but I mean when I say this… She needs to submit to you.

Your woman and you will have personality problems spending enough time together. It is going to happen. It is human nature.

No problem, work it out. Talk about it. Get counseling.

She didn’t want to get counseling. She didn’t want to work it out.

She wanted out.

… Fuck me

But I am working hard on my life right now. I have a GF. Dont know if I need one now. She is so inviting though.

My friends say I need to fuck a lot of women though. a lot of women. I am just not like my friends. I am like nobody I know.

I want you to know internet. Damn It Feels Good to be Geek 3l33t

I think I finally grew up this last weekend. I have tried to keep my childish ways as long as possible. The main thing I am talking about is my unhealthy habits. That includes social smoking (cigarettes and pot) and the heavy drinking that follows. I guess I should explain the difference now from last week.

In a previous post I mentioned the pain I was going through because of Hemorrhoids.  I finally went to see a doctor about them. The P.A. decided they were bad enough for injection sclerotherapy and, while they were at it with my family history, a colonoscopy. There were no openings with the doctor’s and my schedule for two weeks (this last Friday). Of course during the past two weeks I lived fairly healthy and no problems. In fact I did not have any flair ups. I almost cancelled the appointment, but I remember the pain I have gone through this last time. They just seem to keep getting worse. I wanted to be sure that it is nothing else that is the problem.

I went through with the procedure. I am hoping it will be another 10-15 years at the earliest that I will need this done again. Thursday was prep day with laxatives. The morning wasn’t bad, but the afternoon was a gut wrenching, ass burning experience. Friday actually wasn’t that bad. It took maybe an hour to get checked in and get an IV. The nurse was really good with the IV. They laughed at me about having a tattoo but scared of an IV. The procedure was a process of the two nurses working together and distracting me until the doctor stuck his finger up my rectum. I admit, I screamed like a girl and then seriously sang “blue moon”. After that I was out. Supposedly when I woke up I told my wife and nurse that I was a ninja. Ninjas and blue moons are funny but besides the point.

The point is I am not yet 30 and already gotten stuff checked out. I really, really think it is my lifestyle. I know it should be a big “duh” but like all addicts there are excuses. The main one is the magical feeling of being high. There I wrote it. The only time I feel that childhood euphoria of wonder and enlightenment is when I am high. I know I am not smarter with hits from a bong but I do analyze things (sometimes over analyze) differently. I feel almost like I am a different person. And I like it.

However my hemorrhoids (and wife) do not like this lifestyle. I guess they put up with it. However it is painful. So I guess I need to do what I don’t want to do. I need to grow up.

Why do I feel different about growing up now instead of before? Well, I like to stare off into space, laugh, and then sing to myself “blue moon.”     

Blowned up my hand proper like on the 4th.

It is nice and proper to use my US constitutionsal rights to blow stuff up on independence day, except for the hand thing. It makes stuff much easier to play with that is with two hands. Almost everything I play with uses two hands. Cooking, surfing the internet, killing zombies, driving, freestyle swimming, piledriving peoples head into the sidewalk, and flying helicopters all takes two hands. when you blow one off with a 4 inch mortor. At least you have another hand for popping pain pills and changing the channel.

So I am looking into different type of replacement hands. I am hoping there might be a set up golf clubs I can just attach to my wrist. Maybe I could get a hand with eight fingers. That would be super cool. I would of been done with this blog hours ago.

It hurts!!

Dear Blog,

 So I am begining another one of these categories for the real reason I decided to start this pet project at 3am this morning actually.

I can’t believe I am actually going to write this, but I am sure that my wife is tired of hearing about it from me. (Ah… to try and stay anonymous on this site.)

I am having trouble sleeping. Not because of some looming overhead doom. I wish it was that. I usually can just zone out. Instead I feel kinda like I have been raped. Yes, my asshole is burning with pain. It feels like Satan shoved his invisible penis in my anus and left me with a std. He didn’t buy me flowers or give me a reach around. He truly is not a nice guy.

I finally went to the doctor today. I have a hemorrhoid. Yeah I don’t want to go into detail, but when I search the subject I see that nearly 50% of Americans will get this condition by age 50. At least I am not suffering alone. I got a special cream and pain pills! So what is a decent up-standing individual going to do in a rare occurrence that he actually gets pills legally? Drink, of course! 2 parts OJ to 1 part Vodka, otherwise known as a screwdriver.

 Man I still feel kinda uncomfortable. I seriously want to get some sleep tonight. Maybe I can concentrate really hard on this and get really tired and pass out.

Last night er… morning I was going to apply the pain I am feeling now to something heavy we deal with in life… but I am being siderailed at this time (sorry). Maybe I will remember better in a day or two. As for now I am needing 2 parts OJ to 2 parts vodka.

Cheers,

Petyr The Great