Strippers work for food.

Startling discovery! Strippers only care about money. I seriously think they can smell it. Like if you are willing to spend it or not. I am of the former category. I do not feel like parting with $20 in a 3-5 minute time frame. Also don’t mention to me the champagne room or VIP treatment. I will be tempted but will not go for it. The reason I bring this up is because this past weekend was my buddy’s bachelor party. 

Dave is a good catholic guy with a stuck up wife (Meagan). I have always liked this guy but never so much his soon to be wife. My wife used to like both of them. They recently moved to get a great job and be closer to Meagan’s family. We were conned into driving three hours and then my wife was to be designated driver for the girls that night. Meagan is the kind of character that thinks about themselves first and then considers others. I really feel sorry for Dave but have never had the heart to tell him. I seriously do not know how he talked her into allowing the bachelor party.

The party started out at a steak house and moved to The Lodge. The Lodge is a nice establishment with 2 main rooms and an upstairs VIP lounge. The women were of high caliber and I did not once wince once at their faces. There was one chick that was a little on the chunky side. I feel like such an asshole with that last sentence but they take their clothes off for money. It was a little dark but it went well with the outdoorsy hunting atmosphere. The bourbon was $8.50 compared to a beer at $6.50. I stuck with Knob Creek. However classy taste does not equal classy strippers hanging all over you.

I am fine with not having a stripper climbing all over me. Don’t get me wrong, I think boobies in the face and the perfume is nice. But I keep thinking about all the other guys right before me that like the same thing. I know that I am not personally touching the other dude but his clammy face was the same place that mine is now. I am not that big of a germaphob that I will not have boobs shoved in my face. (In fact I do budget by sitting on pervert row with 20 singles and then I am out.) It is just a thought that is in the back of my mind when I leave. It obviously was not on Dave’s mind that night. He had women clawing all over him. Of course we would throw a $20 bill in his lap and then there would be a stripper which leads me back to my main point.

They were all over the guys that had a roll of 20’s. I imagined myself draining my bank account for the brief moment of glorious boobies all over me. In the end though seeing just boobs is just frustrating. Unless it is boobs for free bought by your friends that now have jobs, Assholes.

I had to get married when my friends were broke and had to pay for my own lap dance. To be fair I did receive one from my cousin. He has no idea in my taste in women.  So I got 2 dances and Dave gets $400 spent on him. So I guess I am just bitter that I had to drive a total of 6 hours for frustration.

Blowned up my hand proper like on the 4th.

It is nice and proper to use my US constitutionsal rights to blow stuff up on independence day, except for the hand thing. It makes stuff much easier to play with that is with two hands. Almost everything I play with uses two hands. Cooking, surfing the internet, killing zombies, driving, freestyle swimming, piledriving peoples head into the sidewalk, and flying helicopters all takes two hands. when you blow one off with a 4 inch mortor. At least you have another hand for popping pain pills and changing the channel.

So I am looking into different type of replacement hands. I am hoping there might be a set up golf clubs I can just attach to my wrist. Maybe I could get a hand with eight fingers. That would be super cool. I would of been done with this blog hours ago.

In the year 2007…

I wanted to see more fat, unhappy people at my 10 year reunion, just kidding… sorta. Even the women that have had 3 kids were in great shape. Most of the graduates that showed up were just like me. They wanted to show off their signifcant other and their new clothes. Of course I felt I had the best looking wife. She wore a sun dress showing off her long legs. I wore a red striped oxford shirt to match her. Yes we were twinkies but I voted us as best dress. Everyone else was looking cool in tshirt and ripped up jeans. It was mostly the preps that showed up and there were still cliques. However, there did seem to be a genuine quality to everyone that I said hi to. Except a couple of guys I was cordial to but there was not much to speak about.

All in all most people that were there turned out the way that I thought they would. There was a couple a women that I dated back in the day that I wished that had showed up. I guess it was for the best. I am almost sure they turned out fat and unhappy. OK, OK there are two that I am sure of it. There is two others that have fallen off the Earth and have no idea what they are up to.

Anyway I was driving last night and had only a couple of beers. We left pretty darn early. We had to get back to our dogs. Everyone else there had a babysitter and were getting drunk. Before I left and saying my goodbyes I got a couple of phone numbers, oh yeah! Actually I have a couple old friends numbers that I want to play golf with sometime in the near future.

Reuniting with some old friends is always some of the best times.       

In the year 1997…

Dear Blog, 

10 years ago. I had no idea where I was going. I graduated high school. I had some notions about the world and I had a handful of best friends.

A lot changes in 10 years.

At times like this I like to think about 100 years ago. There is a big probability that I would still be living in the city I grew up in. Instead of car I would still have a horse and would be reading about the model T in a newspaper 3 years after it had already been out on the market. I would only have a handful of books to read and of course the family bible.

How about 1000 years ago? I would not have left my village or territory. I would not know how to read. If I did read, it would of been the bible.

I see more images and words in a single day today than I would of seen in a whole year 100 years ago. 1000 years ago it would take a lifetime to see what we see in a single day. Of course with streaming multimedia sites and some RSS feeds It could be possible to see more information flow across a computer screen in a few hours than a whole lifetime 1000 or even 100 years ago.

It also seems that the older I get the faster the weeks fly by. I know time is relative but it seems to keep speeding up the more information we have. Maybe it is just all the distractions. Maybe it is the routine that I have in my life. Maybe I should get to the point of why I am thinking about the past.

Tomorrow is my 10 year high school reunion. I have changed so much in the past 10 years. I wonder what my old acquaintances are like now. A couple of friends that I have stayed in touch with are still the same person but with a kid though. I wonder if there will still be cliques of friends hanging out. I have learned of one of my high school best friends are coming. I plan on mending a burned bridge with him. I hope. I kinda am the reason his high school sweet heart and he broke up. That is when I truly learned about “Bro’s before Ho’s.” Still thinking about it. I did the right thing. He was cheating on her. I just did not do it the right way. I want to tell him sorry. I guess I will see how it goes.    

Sincerely,

Petyr The Great 

It hurts!!

Dear Blog,

 So I am begining another one of these categories for the real reason I decided to start this pet project at 3am this morning actually.

I can’t believe I am actually going to write this, but I am sure that my wife is tired of hearing about it from me. (Ah… to try and stay anonymous on this site.)

I am having trouble sleeping. Not because of some looming overhead doom. I wish it was that. I usually can just zone out. Instead I feel kinda like I have been raped. Yes, my asshole is burning with pain. It feels like Satan shoved his invisible penis in my anus and left me with a std. He didn’t buy me flowers or give me a reach around. He truly is not a nice guy.

I finally went to the doctor today. I have a hemorrhoid. Yeah I don’t want to go into detail, but when I search the subject I see that nearly 50% of Americans will get this condition by age 50. At least I am not suffering alone. I got a special cream and pain pills! So what is a decent up-standing individual going to do in a rare occurrence that he actually gets pills legally? Drink, of course! 2 parts OJ to 1 part Vodka, otherwise known as a screwdriver.

 Man I still feel kinda uncomfortable. I seriously want to get some sleep tonight. Maybe I can concentrate really hard on this and get really tired and pass out.

Last night er… morning I was going to apply the pain I am feeling now to something heavy we deal with in life… but I am being siderailed at this time (sorry). Maybe I will remember better in a day or two. As for now I am needing 2 parts OJ to 2 parts vodka.

Cheers,

Petyr The Great  

First Blog, The Begining of Greatness!

Dear Blog,

 So here it goes. I figured I would jump on the bandwagon finally. Just like I jumped on the Internet back in 98 with AOL with a 56k modem.

OK for real, I do like to write. I decided to start this thing last night at 3am. Of course at that time the webpage was not working correctly. I didn’t think I was stupid.

 I am starting this out as one person’s opinion (my opinion of course). Basically I have many opinions and interests. I read that when creating a blog I should stick to a topic. I will most likely be speaking about Philosophy and Religion a lot, but I can’t imagine not writing about special personal events and sometimes just senseless things too.

 So the senseless reason for starting this small opinion in the largest network called the web is me just getting older. This is a new departure from my fountain pen and journals. Over the past several years I have filled three journals from teenager angst to young adult soul searching. Next year I am going to be 30. I am still soul searching by all means, but I am trying to come to terms with full adulthood. It is a weird period in life. I know I am not old however at the same time I cannot be reliving the good old college days.

I feel that I am not alone in this respect. It is a balancing act of being responsible and effervescent at the same time. I should be thinking about kids. And I do. I think I am absolutely terrified of having one right now. I am having the best time of my life with my wife. I finally have a house, dogs, sports car, big screen TV, and international vacations. I don’t want to give up late poker nights on the weekend. I think a lot about myself and my life. A sperm/egg thingy will really cramp my style and what extra spending money I have. Needless to say I still think about it (the sperm/egg thingy). I am stuck in the middle. And No. I am not about to have the midlife crisis breakdown yet. Life is good and my choices are good. Nothing really big and dramatic happening here. My main problem is a brain that is at times over analytical in situations.

If someone does find my ramblings interesting, then first off, that someone is the coolest, and secondly, it would be a complete surprise. Honestly I am doing this for myself and just seeing what happens in this new medium. I plan on updating this blog weekly. Let’s see how well I keep my word. Then again I am a typical lazy man, sometimes, so says my wife.

Cheers,

Petyr The Great

P.S. The whole greatness thing is only me being silly. I really don’t have delusions of grandeur. I don’t think… I guess I will see.